By Ronald J Pelias
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Extra info for Leaning: A Poetics of Personal Relations
Disclosure is available as a mouse is to a cat—it’s a thing to toy with until bored and a thing to bring to those one might want to please. Used for amusement and advantage, one can wait. Or, it serves as food for the starving gazelle that is frightened and separated from its kind. It protects the gazelle’s slender neck and praises its annulated horns. Or, it comes as a burden. It’s a heavy load on the back of an old mule that must negotiate a rocky mountain path. One false step and all will be lost.
How might I satisfy my desire to fully embrace another when I confront troubling and persistent barriers? On the simplest level, Dunn suggests language hides and fails me. Hidden from others, I find myself, walking the street, remembering Dunn’s descriptive lines: “Always a gesture away from contact, / Ungiven gifts, first words / It would seem foolish to say” (“This Late in the Century,” New and Selected Poems, p. 84). This inability to speak, to reach out, this reluctance or fear to connect, writes itself again and again in my encounters with those I do not know.
She began rubbing my back. “It’s just so hard to turn your back on your son,” I cried. “I hate how he puts you in that position,” she said. “He’s in jail,” I moaned. ’” Saying no has never been easy for me. I prefer when people pick up my clues, see my hesitancy. If they don’t, more often than not I’ll go along rather than deploy that simple two letter word. The difference between being accommodating and being spineless is the difference between yes and yes. Difference, marked by labels, keeps us cautious: “I don’t see how we can work.
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